1.约会
When the young waitress in the café in Tom's building started waving hello everyday. Tom was flattered, for she was at least 15 years younger than he. One day she waved and beckoned to Tom again. When Tom strolled over, she asked, "Are you single?"

"Why, yes," Tom replied, smiling at her broadly.

"So is my mom," she said. "Would you like to meet her?"

约会
在汤姆工作的大楼里有一个咖啡屋，那儿总有一位小姐每天都和他打招呼。汤姆有些受宠若惊，因为这位小姐看上去至少比他年轻15岁。一天她又对汤姆招手并示意汤姆过去。于是汤姆走了过去。她问道，“您现在是单身吗？” “对，是单身，”汤姆满脸堆笑的说。 “我母亲也是，”她说，“您愿不愿意见见她？”

A Soldier's Brilliant Idea

Mr. Robinson had to travel somewhere on business, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to go by air. He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he looked for a window seat. He found all of them had already had been taken except for one. There was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one, and Mr. Robinson was surprised that he had not taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards it.

When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it. It was written in ink and said, "This seat is preserved for proper load balance, thank you." Mr Robinson had never seen such an unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in.

Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they too read the notice and went on, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the plane. The soldier, who was watching the passengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeededin having the company of the girl during the whole trip.

英语幽默：士兵坐飞机有美女陪伴的高招
由于生意方面的事，罗宾逊先生得出趟门。因为有点紧急，他决定坐飞机。乘机旅行时，他喜欢靠窗坐，故而一登机，他就寻找一个靠窗的座位。他发现只有一个靠窗的座位还空着。在那空座位边坐着一名士兵。令罗宾逊先生纳闷的是，这位士兵没有坐靠窗的位置。罗宾逊先生不管那些，他马上径直朝那个空座位走去。

然而，等到了那儿，他看见座位上有则启事，是用钢笔写的：“为保持装载平衡，特预设该位置，谢谢合作。”罗宾逊先生还从来没有在飞机上见过如此不同寻常的启事。不过，他想飞机上一定装了什么特别重的物品，于是他找了个不靠窗的位置。

又有两三个乘客试图坐在那个士兵旁的靠窗座位上，他们看到那则启事就走开了。当快满座时，一位非常美丽的姑娘匆匆走进机舱。一直在注意进舱旅客的那个士兵赶紧拿掉他旁边空座位上的启事。士兵用这种办法，成功地找到了一位姑娘一路作伴。

英文竟能说得如此搞笑
a.小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead. 小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead. 小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？小明说：你没听老师说“去你个头”啊！

b.一对热恋中的男女。女生非常没有安全感，于是对着男友说：“SAY I LOVE YOU!! SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY IT!”
男的答道：“IT!”

c.一位在美的留学生，想要考国际驾照。在考试时因为过于紧张，看到地上标线是向左转。
他不放心的问道:turn left？
监考官回答：right。于是他立刻向右转……

d.某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞，忙说：I am sorry。
老外应道：I am sorry too。
某人听后又道：I am sorry three。
老外不解，问：What are you sorry for?
某人无奈，道：I am sorry five。

爆笑：昨天夜里我爸妈表演“混合双打”
Teacher of Physical Education: Have you ever seen mixed doubles，boys？
体育老师：孩子们，你们见过男女混合双打吗？
Nick: Yes，sir. Quite of ten. I saw it even last night.
尼克：见过，老师，经常见。就在昨天夜里我还见过呢！
Teacher: Please tell us some thing about it.
老师：那你给大家讲讲当时的情形吧。
Nick: Oh，sorry，sir. My father always says, "Domestic shame should not be published.”
尼克：啊，对不起，老师。我爸爸常说:“家丑不可外扬。”

Camera
On our way to a wedding in Vermont, my husband and I realized we had forgotten our camera. We stopped at a general store and, hoping to purchase a cheap, disposable model. Sal asked the owner, "Do you have any of those throwaway cameras?"

"Look, fella," replied the owner, "I don't care what you do with it after you buy it.

照相机

在前往威蒙特参加一个婚礼的路上，我和丈夫意识到我们忘了带照相机。我们在一家百货商店门前停了下来，希望能够买到一种便宜的，一次性照相机。萨尔问店主：“你们有那种用了就扔的照相机吗？”

“我说，小伙子，”店主回答说，“我可不管你买了之后怎么处理它。”

2.A farmer who lives in a small village has a bad pain in the chest. This never seems to get any better. The farmer decides that he will go to see a doctor in the nearest town. But as he is a miserly person, he thinks he will find out what he will have to pay the doctor. He is told that a sick person has to pay three pounds for the first visit and one pound for the second visit. The farmer thinks about this for a long time, and then he decides to go to the doctor in the town.
As he comes into the doctor's room, he says ,"Good morning, doctor. Here I am again." The doctor is a little surprised. He asks him a few questions, checks his chest and then takes the pound which the farmer insists on him. Then the doctor says with a smile,"well,sir, there's nothing new. Please go on taking the same medicine I give you the first time you come to see me."

3.Once a fox invited a stork to dinner. He put nothing on the table except some soup in a very shallow dish.

The fox could easily lap up the soup, but the stork could only wet the end of her long bill in it. When she left the meal, she was still very hungry. "I am sorry," said the fox, "the soup is not to your taste."

"Please do not apologize," said the stork. "I hope you will come to my house, and dine with me soon."

A few days later the fox visited the stork. He found that his food was put in a long bottle, and the mouth of the bottle was very narrow. He could not insert his big mouth into it, so he ate nothing.

"I will not apologize," said the stork. "One bad turn deserves another."

一次，狐狸请鹳来吃饭。他除了浅盘子中的一点汤以外，什么也没有准备。
狐狸可以轻而易举地喝到汤，但是鹳只够蘸湿他长长的嘴尖。吃完饭后，鹳仍旧很饥饿。"很抱歉！"狐狸说，"这汤不合你的口味"。
"别客气，"鹳说，"过几天请到我家来和我一起吃饭吧。"
几天后，狐狸应邀而至，他发现食物都装在一个长长的瓶子里，而瓶口很细，他无法将他的大嘴伸进去，什么也吃不到。
"我不想道歉，这是你应得的回报。"鹳说。

4.It was a cold winter day in 1919. A small boy was walking along the street in London. His name was Tom. He was very hungry. He wanted to buy some bread, but he had no money. What could he do? When he was very young, he wanted to be a great man in the world of films. So he worked to sing and dance well. Thirty years later, the boy became one of the famous people in the world.

那是1919年的一个寒冷的冬天。一个小男孩正漫步在伦敦的街头。他的名字叫汤姆。他饿极了。他想买一些面包，可是他身无分文。他该怎么办呢？当他非常年幼的时候，他就想当一名电影世界中的伟人。所以他努力把歌唱好，把舞跳好。三十年之后，这个小男孩真地成为了电影世界中的著名人物之一。